Sibling Rivalry

 Happy Wednesday!

Recently, I was asked to talk about sibling rivalry and honestly it made me stop and think. With six kids ranging from 15 to 1, it's definitely something we know a thing or two about. Even though for the most part my kids all get along. Every stage of childhood brings new challenges and when you put all those stages together under one roof, there are bound to be plenty of hiccups. But there are so many sweet moments, laughter, and bonds being built that I hope and pray every day will last a lifetime. So today I thought I'd open up a bit on what sibling rivalry looks like in our family, and some of the ways Mike and I try to handle it along the way.

The picture below honestly feels like a lifetime ago. I was pregnant with Tenley here. Having 4 babies within 5 years definitely came with its challenges. And as much as I love to look back at that time with rose colored glasses on (because I really loved every chaotic second of it), I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine and rainbows. This stage was probably the hardest with how young everyone was. The kids used to fight A LOT. You know over toys, someone annoying someone, where they would sit in the car, etc etc. There was a lot of jealousy whenever we'd bring home a new baby, and everyone was fighting for mama's attention. Does that count as sibling rivalry?

Truthfully, I was just surviving, I don't even know I had time to think about how to handle these situations. We did time outs, we took things away, we stayed home from events if no one was behaving and getting along. We rewarded good behavior and listening and made sure to praise the kids when they went out of their way to be kind. Just the normal stuff. Mike and I really are sticklers on our kids behaving and getting along. We have little to no patience when it comes to anything but. If we weren't our house and lives would've been and would be chaos. We are BIG on family being the most important thing and remind the kids frequently that someday, even if it's not today, they will be each other's best friends. 

To try and avoid competition as much as I can, I am always telling my kids is that we all have unique qualities, talents and gifts that make us who we are. Nothing we excel at makes us any better than anyone else, especially our brothers and sisters. For example, Kensington love to read and can fly through a chapter book in just a couple hours, meanwhile Logan doesn't like to read but he is a sponge and can retain lots and lots of information when he hears it with little to no effort. Neither makes them better than worse than the other, it's just what makes them, them. 

With six kids ranging from 15 to 1, sibling rivalry is just part of our everyday life. Kamryn and Logan are in that stage where they want independence and don’t always have patience for the younger crew. Kensington and Tenley are so close in age, which means they can be the best of friends one minute and at each other’s throats the next. Smith wants to be included in everything, while Archie still needs constant attention. With so many different personalities and stages under one roof, there are bound to be conflicts. What I’ve found helpful is making sure each child gets individual attention, encouraging the older kids to help with the younger ones in ways that feel rewarding instead of like chores, and stepping in with guidance when arguments go too far. I also try to celebrate the moments when they cooperate or show kindness to each other... it reminds them (and me) that even though they fight, they’re still building lifelong bonds.

3 ways we handle sibling rivalry in our house:

1. One-on-one time with both me and Mike – even 10 minutes of focused attention makes each child feel seen.
2. Positive roles for older siblings – giving them “helper” jobs that feel meaningful, not like babysitting. (But yes, sometimes they do babysit too)
3. Catch them being kind and call it out – praising teamwork and small acts of kindness so those moments stand out as much as the fights.
   

At the end of the day, we don't have it all figured out. We just do our best and learn as we go. Some days the kids truly are best friends and other days it feels like all I do is play referee. But every stage we've been through teaches me something new about them and about myself as a mom. Sibling rivalry is definitely a challenge, but it's also shaping their relationships with each other (getting them closer to my goal of them being best friends), its teaching them how to share, how to compromise, how the world doesn't revolve around them, and most importantly teaching them forgiveness. 

What keeps me going is remembering that these little disagreements and fights are just part of the bigger picture. Even in the chaos, I love watching their relationships grow, seeing moments where they protect each other, encourage each other and truly enjoy each other. All of that reminds me that while the road is messy, it's also filled with so much love, and that's all that really matters.