Baby Fever

This blog is many things…most of the time it is my baby book but sometimes its my outlet. Today it is my outlet…I sat down to write thinking this post would go somewhere completely different but here it is…

Constantly running through my mind is the big question on when to have baby #2. And whether we like it or not, every once in awhile someone will throw in their opinion on if we should or not and/or when is the best time. I don’t know if people even realize they are doing it but trust that Mike and I catch on every single time! To be perfectly honest, I think we probably would’ve already had #2 if we were married when Kamryn was born. I’ve always dreamed of having my kids super close together. I’m talking two kids under the age of 2 and then possibly go on to #3 immediately. Call me crazy but this was my dream! But dreams sometimes get pushed to the side…we had a wedding to plan and I refused to be pregnant at my wedding!

My brother and I are 4 years apart and my sister was born10 years later. We’ve all always had a great relationship but I’d lie if I said I wasn’t always super jealous of my friends who had huge families and were only a year or two apart from their siblings. My brother is my best friend in the world and no one could ever deny that. People have always told my parents how great our relationship is. This relationship is due in huge part to the fact that our parents split up when I was only 7 and he was 3! If that doesn’t cause siblings to become closer I don’t know what will. My relationship with my sister is different but still so special. Its more like a mother daughter relationship. Shes awesome and I love her so so much. Shes the sister I prayed for since before my brother was born and I often find myself parenting her because I’m so much older. I cannot imagine not having either one of these two!! I still wish they were closer to my age…not going to lie.

I know Kamryn isn’t meant to be an only child. She has such a love for other kids and babies. It melts my heart and I cannot wait until the day when I see Kamryn with her little brother or sister. But when? 

I’ve played the game of “if it happens it happens….we aren’t trying but we aren’t not trying”. Yea right!! Who am I trying to fool? Myself? Its not working!! This has been going on for about 3 months and I found myself tracking my schedule, looking up ways to increase fertility, buying pregnancy tests and even crying when I found out I wasn’t pregnant. Did I mention I text Mike a million a few times a day with baby names? If I didn’t know any better I’d say someone is trying to get pregnant. Honestly, it scares me to say the words “we’re trying”. With Kamryn it was so easy to get pregnant. We are the typical surprise baby story of one time and your pregnant. Whoops! Silly me, I just assumed it would be easy to get pregnant. I know what they say about when you assume something…and now I’m kicking myself because I am the ass. I’ve heard to just relax and it’ll happen. So this month I’ve stopped tracking the schedule and am going to just let nature take its course. But relax? This is my family I’ve dreamed of forever and I really want Kamryn to be close in age to her little brother or sister. 2 1/2 years would be perfect so can I just get pregnant ummmm…..NOW?!?! How can I relax when this is such a life changing time?

Of course, I question everyday if Mike and I are ready for another baby. If we could love another baby as much as we love Kamryn? She was the easiest baby in the world and continues to be easy going. Our pediatrician makes sure to warn us every time she see’s us that Kamryn is the exception and no toddlers are like her. So, of course, that is a concern. What if we can’t handle a typical baby? What if the baby doesn’t sleep as well as Kamryn did and I still have to be up the next day with Kamryn after not sleeping? I know, God won’t give us anymore than we can handle. So maybe that’s what’s happening? Maybe I’m not pregnant because God doesn’t think we can handle this yet? I mean at the end of the day its really up to Him if we have a baby or not. But deep down in my soul I know we are ready and I know I could handle another baby in my everyday routine because that is what moms do! Kamryn would make a great big sister. She loves to be my helper and I know for a fact she would love to help with her baby brother or sister.

Okay, so the moral of the story is I have baby fever BIG TIME! I miss being pregnant. I actually look forward to labor and delivery again. Yes, I am one of those people who actually enjoyed the experience. Its one of those miracles that I could go through over and over again! Its worth every single bit of pain I went through, especially after having the epidural!! I was wheeled out of that room being very proud of myself at how I handled giving birth! Especially after hearing horror stories and watching countless episodes of a baby story. (Where do they find those people anyways?) My recovery was a different story but I am confident that will go better next time around. Best part is everyone says the second time L&D is so much easier!! Bring it on!! 

Well now that I let you into a secret we’ve been keeping to ourselves….at least I was honest. We will just have to wait and see what happens……

And here is a cute picture of Kamryn to hopefully  make you smile!