I’m an indecisive person but I’m impulsive. I know, a weird combination…but hear me out.
You all know how hard it was for me to pick a name for Kensington. So hard in fact I changed her name when she was just 2 weeks old. Picking a name, I was indecisive. But changing it was totally impulsive. Mike and I didn’t have that many conversations about it. All the sudden, in a hormone imbalanced meltdown I just knew Elliot wasn’t her name. I called my mom crying about it and then told Mike. Then I slowly started to tell family and friends. At first everyone reacted just the way I thought they would: “seriously?!?!”. Trust me, I knew I had taken the baby naming thing to a whole other level. It was silly and just plain old stupid! But, as I explained myself to people they started to have sympathy for me and understand why I was feeling the way I did. I’m sure in their heads they were all thinking, ‘she’s insane but just go with it. She just gave birth and she’s not going to listen to you anyways.’ Looking back now I really wish I just did what any “normal” person does. Picked a name and stuck with it. I totally worked myself up to the point where picking a name turned into a chore. It wasn’t fun anymore. I became obsessed with “the right name” instead of just choosing a name both Mike and I loved. Coming from someone who loves baby names this sucked. I was much too stressed over what’s supposed to be an exciting thing. People name babies every single day. I would tell myself daily ‘JUST PICK A NAME!!!’ But for whatever reason I couldn’t do it. I’d pick one and then my mind would race and I’d think hmmm…what if she’s Kensington? Elliot? Finley? and I’d change my mind. Then she was born, we choose the name Elliot, brought her home, introduced her to everyone as Elliot and I still had that feeling of what if. What if we named her Kensington? That feeling just would not go away no matter how many times I called her Elliot, El, or Elli. It just didn’t feel right and that gut feeling that I picked the wrong name just stuck. I couldn’t shake it. I hated feeling like that. Kensington was always Mike’s pick so he was totally okay with us changing it, so we did it. We changed her name. Changed the birth certificate and are now still in the process of changing over her social. Actually, this process could’ve been even more strenuous but we got some help to make it less painful. SO thankful for good family friends!! Thanks Paulette!! :)
Now almost 3 months after she was born I don’t regret changing her name but in retrospect we probably could’ve just kept it. Honestly, we probably should’ve kept it. I made such a big deal out of it. I look back at my crazy pregnant/postpartum self and I want to smack some sense into her. Our baby is still this sweet perfect baby no matter what her name is. When she grows up, she will do what she’s meant to do whether she’s Elliot or Kensington. She’ll marry who she’s meant to marry and have the babies she’s meant to have. Her name won’t matter in any of that. Truthfully, I wish someone would’ve stopped me dead in my tracks and said that to me when I first brought her home and was stressing over if I picked the right name or not. Now, there’s no denying she looks like a Kensington and I don’t want anyone to think I’m going to change it back. Because, as crazy as I am, I’m not THAT crazy. I know, that means a lot coming from someone who 2 weeks postpartum thought her biggest problem was what she named her baby. ::sigh:: It’s just throughout this crazy time I’ve realized I was only feeling that way because I’m indecisive and impulsive. I was indecisive throughout my entire pregnancy and then I was impulsive in the delivery room when she was born and I didn’t put any thought into her name at a time when I probably should’ve.
Instead, I found myself dwelling over what to name her, dwelling over the name I gave her and in turn dwelling over if we should change her name. I really wish I hadn’t gone through all of that, but I did and now it’s part of Kensington’s story.
As they say, hindsight is 20/20. When something is weighing heavy on your heart, no matter how small it might actually be, as its going on it feels like this biggest problem in the world. Life is one big learning experience. I’ve taken a lot away from my pregnancy with Kensington and naming her.
So, to the girl who’s stressing about naming your baby or stressing that you gave your baby the wrong name, I say this: If you’re already feeling this way while pregnant, just days away from giving birth and the right name hasn’t come to you, chances are even 3 months after that baby is born that feeling won’t completely go away. You’re going to have that what if feeling for awhile. Its easier said than done but no matter what you choose, just go with it. 9 times out of 10 your baby will grow into whatever name you pick. If you want to, change it. It’s really not that big of a deal. It definitely made me take a sigh of relief when we did it, but even now I know it truthfully wouldn’t of mattered either way. I look at Kensington and think “Yeahhh….you definitely could’ve been Elliot.” But she’s now Kensington. Kensington suits her, probably better than Elliot….but either would’ve worked. If I had it all to do all over again, I’d do a little better at hiding my crazy. That’s for sure! I would’ve sat with her in that delivery room when everyone left to let us be alone with our new baby and discussed with Mike her name. If we had taken that time, I probably could’ve avoided a lot of stress on my part and maybe avoided some tears and the process of a name change. Who knows? It’s easy to look back and say what you coulda shoulda woulda.
Either way, she’s our Kensington….we love her so so much and love her name and we have zero regrets with this crazy process we had to go through to name her. I just wish I could be more confident in myself and my decisions.
{Also, gotta love my sweet husband. After I told him I wrote this he assured me we made the right decision in changing her name.}
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