Chasing That First Baby High

I’m about to show you the single worst picture that has ever been taken of me. But, I love it because it is the moment we became a family. I had been in the hospital for 36 hours as the pumped fluids into me, been in active labor for 13 hours and had just pushed for an hour and 40 minutes. I was EXHAUSTED and PUFFY!

(Andddd lets be honest, the first picture after each of my babies birth has only gotten better and better… thank god!!!)

If I could go back to that moment in time and start all over I would in a heartbeat. It’s no secret I love babies. I hate being pregnant but I love the process of being pregnant. I love the miracle of pregnancy. When I think back to becoming a mom for the first time all I can do is smile. From the time Kamryn was born until her 2nd birthday was two of the best years of my life. Everyday was exciting, full of laughs, full of smiles. Watching her every move, seeing right before my eyes her learning more and more as the days passed. The first time she rolled over, when she began to crawl, her first steps, her first words, her first birthday, the first time she stepped into our house when we looked at it for the first time, when she was our flower girl in our wedding, the list goes on and on and on. It was just the two of us and I made sure I experienced it all! Everyone told me to enjoy every second…and I did. But what they didn’t tell me was how special life was with just the 3 of us would be. And how quickly things would change….

I can’t really explain it. Life with 4 kids is amazing but its tiring…its oh so tiring. Especially with a 6 month old who likes to wake up multiple times a night, one in first grade learning how to read, a very handsome 4 year old who loves to test my patience every hour, on the hour and an almost 2 year old on the brink of the terrible twos. But life with just one kid….was simple, for lack of a better term. We could do stuff, go places. It was so incredibly easy to pack up one kid instead of four. For the most part it was stress free. To be fair it was only the three of us for 2.5 years so I could be looking at that time through rose colored glasses. And, Kamryn was by far the easiest child ever! She’s still pretty perfect. 

To be clear, I wouldn’t change the fact that we have four kids and I wouldn’t change that we had them so close together. I just want a re-do, can I get a re-do?? I want to do it again. Same kids, same ages, same everything. Anyone have a time machine?!?

What I wouldn’t give to travel back to 7 years ago. To be that 23 year old girl, pregnant, not knowing what was ahead of me….I would in a heartbeat. Is that crazy? To want to do it all over again? It probably is crazy and that’s probably why I have so many kids and more than likely why everyone doesn’t believe me when I say I won’t be having anymore babies. I guess I’m like an addict in a way, chasing that first baby high. That first baby high is a once in a lifetime! I know, I’ve done the legwork. That’s not to say with each child it wasn’t just as special, it was. It was so incredibly special. It’s just different and I want it back. I’m willing to bet this is different for every mother. I bet there are moms out there who want to go back to when they brought their second baby home and how in that moment all was right in the world. I bet there are people out there who want to go back to a time when it was just them and their spouse. Some who just want their kids to all be little again. Etc Etc…

So my advice, is not only to enjoy every minute of motherhood but to also enjoy that time with just you, your spouse and one baby. In my opinion, there’s nothing like it.