I’ve been spoiled. Since the day Kamryn was born I had my mom, my step mom and my mother in law just dying to babysit her any time I needed. And then still with each baby we’ve had since. Mike and I have rarely missed a special occasion because we didn’t have a babysitter because I could always call my mom or mother in law and they were eager to help out. My mother in law has spent many long weekends with us, giving us a night out, money to spend on that night out and then letting us sleep in the next day. Keeping the baby with her so I could get a full night sleep. The next day? She’d tell us to go run errands alone and would always clean my house spotless! My mom would come down for a week or two and cook dinner, babysit while I ran errands and watch the kids and give Mike and I a date night or two. She’d always be one to help out with things I needed to do around the house too. My mom has watched the kids while Mike and I went on vacation TWICE. My step mom is a huge help as well. If I have a doctors appointment or the kids need to go to the pedi she’s eager to come help out! She comes early, usually with coffee in hand for me and/or breakfast or lunch for the kiddos and she always helps out by doing some dishes, vacuuming, organizing some toys, you name it, etc etc… Dee is my go to daytime babysitter because she unfortunately can’t see as well driving at night and we live 45 minutes away…so I just won’t do that to her and make her drive home in the middle of the night.
Recently both my mother in law and my mom moved to Florida. I went from excited for them one minute, sad because I’d miss them the next, to absolutely panicked! You’ve all heard the saying “it takes a village”. Well a big part of my village has moved away and recently I’m feeling the affects of that. My husband works anywhere from 6-7 days a week which means I am home alone with the kids basically all. the. time. I love my kiddos and wouldn’t trade them for the world but going at this basically solo lately I can attest is does take a village and with a gigantic part of my village in Florida I’m drowning in motherhood. I need to give credit to Lexi just like I did to the grandmothers. I literally broke down in tears to Mike the other night telling him I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s (reluctantly) taken over babysitting if we have something to do but…she’s a teenager and I won’t ever make her babysit for me if she already has plans with friends. I think it’s important as a teenager to have a social life. Anywho….
I’m exhausted, I’m lonely, I’m irritable, I’m impatient, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I’m exhausted….really, I am. But no,the truth is I need a break. And I know as a mom you aren’t supposed to say that. I know it’s taboo and as a stay at home mom this is my job. These are my kids and my responsibility not their grandparents. I understand all that. But I’m here being honest and vulnerable and saying it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows these days. I wish I didn’t take for granted how good I had it a few months back. I was spoiled and I didn’t think twice about it. I appreciated it of course, but I never really knew what life would be like without it. Well life without that help is tough. I have 4 kids who all require my attention…A LOT. They are all little and need me to help them with a lot of things still. I’m up anywhere from 2 to 3 times a night with Tenley who I think it’s teething. Kensington is in the midst of the terrible twos throwing a major tantrum every time you tell her no. Logan is still struggling with potty training and I feel like I’m failing as a mother in that department. Kamryn has school and projects and homework every night and we need to take time to read 2-3 books and most nights I just want to pass the baton to the next person to finish the race that is my everyday life.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I love my life. I love my children and I love my husband. I am blessed. But as blessed as I am, I’m just tired. {Confession…some days I wish I worked outside the home. Just to get some adult conversations in my everyday would be incredible.} But, just like everything else I know this is only a season of life. This will pass and I’ll look back fondly at these days. Wishing they were all little again and all needed me as much.
But today? If I’m being totally honest, I need a break. A break I probably will not get. So it’s onward and upward from here….but I miss my village. I really do….
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