One of the interesting things about this blog is that often times, more often than not, when I sit down to write I have no idea what I’m going to write about. Of course, there are the obvious updates that I feel I need to write to keep everyone (and my future self) in the loop on what the Sasses are up to. But, if I’m being honest I don’t enjoy the updates as much as I enjoy the stuff that comes organically. Although, the organic posts tend to cause a bit of a stir. Which is never my intention. While we’re on that subject it needs to be said. Seeing how I don’t go into these posts knowing what I’m going to write I never go into it with the intent of calling anyone out, hurting anyone, reacting to something someone did. This blog is none of that. Most things I write about are generalizations. My perspective on things going on in my life. It is never ever my intention to upset anyone…EVER.
So, like many times before I sit here with no idea what is going to come out next but I know I’m feeling the pull to write.
Life has been less than easy lately. I try really hard to not talk about that stuff on this blog but the truth is this is my life lately. So, you’ve probably read more of the negative than you wanted to. I don’t want anyone to think my life is perfect. My life is so far from perfect it is not even funny. There are four perfect things in my life and their names are Kamryn, Logan, Kensington and Tenley and to the world they are not perfect but to me, they are. Besides that my life is more times than not a disaster.
It’s tough when things come at you one after the other. I know you know how it feels, just like the saying “when it rains it pours”. I know that phrase wasn’t made up solely for the Sass family. We’ve all been the pinball in the arcade of life. We’ve all been there and we’ll all be there again someday though hopefully not any day soon. So what is that all about? Why does that happen? Is it just bad luck or is someone really out to get us? Is it karma? Do we all just get back what we’ve dished out at some point along the way? I don’t know and I’ve been trying to figure this out for a long long time.
Maybe I’m too young to understand how it all works…maybe I’m too naive, who knows? Maybe my children have not matured to the point at which I could stand by and watch as bad things and bad people hit them one after the other from every different angle and do nothing to stop it from continuing. Maybe, maybe not…I don’t know. I just know what I know now and that is that I would not sit on the sidelines and allow Kamryn or any of my other kids to get hammered over and over again. I would do whatever it took to stop it and stop it immediately.
Life has not been kind to us this year. That’s a fact. A fact I’m not scared to admit. In the grand scheme of things it could’ve been worse but I don’t think we went a single month without a bad thing happening to us or a family member. It was tiring, stressful and down right hard.
And here I am upset with myself because I know there are some people out there who have it a lot worse than us. Some people have bad years, bad decades, bad lifetimes. But why? Why doesn’t God stop it? Why? I’m trying really hard to look at the positive these days but it just seems right when I do we get smacked back down again. I could leave you a list here on the things that went wrong this past year, and then I could write you another on the things that went wrong this past month, and I could even write you a list of the wrongs this past week and again the wrongs of today. It’s always something.
I’m really good at giving other people advice. If I’m on the outside looking in at someone else’s problems I can give you some serious wisdom that I didn’t even know I had deep down inside. Truth is, I could look at someone in the same exact situation as myself and I’d probably be able to make them feel better. But myself, I can’t seem to do that these days. I’m trying….I’m really trying. I know it’ll get better. Well, I hope. I hope I don’t add myself to the list of those who have a bad decade or a bad lifetime. At this point I’m just hopeful. What more can I be?
A lot of people think New Years Resolutions are silly and for the most part they are. I mean, I don’t know if anyone is going to change every bad habit they have just because of a calendar year. But hey… Maybe you will! But I do always look at the New Year as a new beginning. I take time to reflect. This year with 2017 approaching I’ve found myself searching and searching for good things to hold on to from 2016. I have two HUGE ones! 1. The birth of Miss Tenley James. and 2. I feel more secure and stronger in my relationship with my husband than I ever have in my (almost) 11 years of being with him. We’ve been through a lot and I am hopeful, but not sure, if the hits will stop coming anytime soon. I pray to God everyday to just take it easy on us in 2017.
Here’s to 2017….may there be better days ahead.
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