I've been having an internal battle with myself lately. It's something that's been weighing heavy on my heart for years. I bounce back and forth with it often. I've come here and declared I was done. Gone on facebook and done the same thing. Time and time again something happens that just puts a bad taste in my mouth and I want to let go of it all. This battle of whether or not to keep up with blogging, instagram, facebook, etc etc is something I always wonder if I want to do.
I blog for a number of reasons. One being because I enjoy it. I really like writing and sometimes sitting down in this chair and tapping these keys is therapeutic to me (and sometimes it gets me into trouble). I blog because we have a lot of family who lives out of state, both my mom and Mike's mom included. This is a way for them to see what we are up to and get a pretty regular update on the kids. This blog makes that easier for me. We also both have really big families so this is another way to keep them in the loop. I also blog because this is my space to write it all down and remember it all. A place where the kids can come someday and read what I was thinking at that particularly time in there life AND they get to see what they were like. That last part is really what keeps me going.
But lately I've been wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Should I really be showcasing it all? Of course, there are PLENTY of things I keep quiet. There's a heck of a lot I don't share but at the same time I do share quite a bit. Sometimes the blog feels like a chore that I can't keep up with. I do my best, I'll be on the right track and then I look back and realize I didn't write about someones birthday. I feel obligated now to always have something new to put up here even if it's just one post a week. I don't have a lot of followers and truthfully I think the only people that read here are those I know in person, but sometimes this blog feels like a job. I don't want it to be that.
Sometimes I let you all in on secrets. Like when I announced names for Kensington and Tenley that we ultimately changed our mind on (Everly, Finley, Eliot....shall I continue?). No, not a big deal in the long run buttttt....I think I'm starting to sound like a whack job! I'm sure someone is reading this nodding their head like "Yes, Kristen,,,you need to stop sharing this stuff." Sometimes I treat this blog as if I was talking to a girlfriend. I kind of just blab it all out there, press publish and then a couple hours later I'm like uhhhhh why did I do that? I've written some posts and people who I barely know have taken them so personally and its gotten back to me like WHAT?!?! What did I do?!?! I hate those moments. HATE them!
I don't want this post to turn into another I'm taking a break post. But I really am wondering if I should continue it. It might be time to let it go. Which makes me sad, it feels like a break up but I'm sincerely at the point where I think it might be time. This past year I've made some pretty significant changes in my life to better myself, for me and for my family. I started to see a therapist to work out some stuff I had going on and its been amazing. I don't know that I've ever felt better mentally. Mike and I have shifted the way we do things with each other and with the kids. Our marriage is good, family life is even better. The next step it to work on my body. I've slowly been changing the way I eat and as the warmer weather hits I'm planning to get outside more and be more active with the kids.
I don't know how to wrap up this post because I don't want it to sound like the other posts I've done like this.... So lets just say, the Sass Sircus is closing its doors for now. Hopefully someday to open those doors again. I've just really got to take a long hard look at if it's worth it. I know a lot of people read here and I feel (like always) its my duty to tell you why there aren't anymore posts. Truth is, I'm going to miss blogging a whole lot. A WHOLE LOT. But as they say....all good things must come to an end.
So, cheers! Thanks for reading along....I love you all!
xoxo, Kristen
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