I've been planning to start a little series here on the blog about "Owning It". This will be a place where I can sit down and write about whatever is weighing heavy on my heart. Today I'm going to write about missing old friends....
This weekend my old high school had an open house because at the end of this school year they will be knocking it down and the students will be attending the brand new school they just built behind it. It was a time for past students to literally take a trip down memory lane. From what I heard they decorated the school with pictures and memorabilia and people from years past got to take pictures, meet with old teachers and see old friends. I'm sure it was really really special. I moved to Holbrook from Quincy the Summer before 10th grade. I walked into that school only knowing my cousin, Amanda, on that chilly September morning scared out of my mind. I quickly learned it wasn't all that bad (after I cried for a week). Before I knew it I made friends and realized going from a Freshman class of close to 400 kids to a Sophomore class of around 75 kids was actually pretty cool. I kind of liked the small town feel, although definitely a culture shock at first.
But, the truth is even looking back I don't feel like Holbrook High was MY high school because I was only there 3 years. At the same time I don't feel like Quincy High was MY high school either because I was only there for 1 year. So while it's definitely nostalgic that the building I spent so much time in years ago will be no more, I didn't feel the need to walk those halls one last time. (Quincy High was also knocked down and they have a new school as well..)
13 years have gone by since we graduated and except for Facebook I don't talk to many of the people that I was friends with during those years. I admire and am, I guess, kind of jealous of those of you who have stayed as tight nit as you were as teenagers. It is definitely something that is rare these days.
I myself know I am terrible at keeping in touch with people. It's something I've always been bad at. Part of it is definitely my own self esteem issue. I get in my head that if someone hasn't reached out to me they don't want to hear from me. The more time goes by the more awkward I feel about it and then I just don't reach out. Then there's the times I do reach out to an old friend. To tell him or her I was thinking about them, just wanted to say hi, apologize that I've been so distant, tell them I miss them or congratulate them on a great thing that has happened recently in their life and they don't respond. I'm not perfect. I know I screw up and I know I've done things to piss people off but sometimes it would be nice to pick up the phone and just talk. Forget all the crap that caused old friends to move on and just say "Hey! I miss you. What have you been up to?"
So, while I didn't feel the need to walk those halls it did bring back a lot of memories just knowing that school will be knocked down. It reminded me of a much simpler time in life. I wouldn't go back now because my life with my husband and 4 kids is so much more full BUT at times I miss it. Mostly, I miss the friends.
Today I'm just owning it. I'm owning I've probably screwed up. I probably should've reached out more and I probably should've made more of an effort. I probably should've apologized for some things. I'm also owning that I know its not all me, it's definitely not one sided we all could've made more of an effort to stay in touch. I'm also owning that if we were once friends and we've lost touch and you're reading this now....chances are I miss you. I hope you're doing well and I hope life has brought you an immense amount of happiness.
Sometimes I feel compelled to write something down and today this is one of those things. I know I'm not alone in this and that many of us lose touch over the years and it makes us sad. Today I'm just owning that I'm one of them and most days I wish things could be different. But ah, that is life, isn't it??
I hope you have a great Monday!
xoxo
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