Hello friends! Happy Sunday!
It's chilly and rainy today so we are having ourselves a cozy day. My favorite!
Today I woke up and decided I wanted to pop on and share where I'm at with my social media journey. I've got a lot of feelings so grab an iced coffee and sit back and read...we've got a lot of ground to cover here..
I’ve been blogging for 16 years. Sixteen years of sharing my life, my thoughts, my family, their milestones and the little bits of creativity. Over that time, my effort with the social media side of things has come and gone in waves... sometimes I’m posting, sometimes I’m hiding, sometimes I’m just quietly watching from the sidelines. Last November, I decided to really give it a try. I told myself, “This is it. Time to see what I can do if I take it seriously.”
The truth is, I wanted something just for me. Something that felt separate from being a mom of six or a wife. A space that belonged only to me, where I could create and share on my own terms. I thought if I could make that happen, it would give me a sense of self outside of my family roles. Over the past 10 months I've put myself out there. I threw away the idea that only perfection belonged on the internet and came as myself. I was vulnerable, scared, took chances, and just did the damn thing. But... it's been hard to not only balance it all and have tough skin, but to be consistent and stay on track.
I love being a mom of six. It’s chaotic, messy, full of laughter, and yes, exhausting at times, but it’s also the most rewarding role I’ve ever had. Sharing pieces of our life, the everyday moments and little milestones, is something I genuinely enjoy. While social media and blogging are spaces I’ve carved out for myself, you all know being a mom is very much a part of who I am, and I share so much of that side of me. This journey, this life, and these kids are what makes me me, and celebrating that, both the big and small moments, is a gift I’ll never take for granted.
But, if I'm being completely transparent, this whole social media thing has been much much harder than I expected. I didn't expect to blow up overnight and I never expected to have hundreds of thousands of followers. But I did have hope that I would slowly gain a larger following if I put myself out there more. Some days, I find a little rhythm, and those days feel amazing. But most days, I just can’t. My husband and kids are my first priority, always. My days are full, overflowing, and trying to fit social media in around all of that often feels impossible. I’ve also been trying to figure out where exactly I fit in on social media... what my voice is, what corner I belong in, and I can’t seem to find it. I'm all over the place.
Growth has been slow, some might say virtually nonexistent, and that’s been discouraging, to say the least. Some days it makes me feel not good enough. Sometimes embarrassed. And it’s harder on my mental health than I anticipated. Especially after I've been doing this for so long. I know part of the reason is simple: I haven’t been able to post consistently. It’s a double-edged sword, I can’t grow without posting, but I can’t post because of everything else in my life, and that struggle to find time and space makes it even harder to feel like I belong anywhere online. I truly do not know how people do it. My thought process was never to be the girl who made this a career but to share things here and there and be your online bestie. But that just isn't happening. BUT… I still love this. I love writing. I love connecting. I love the little space that’s mine, even if I have a very very small following.
Obviously, I know I'm being judged for putting myself out there and not seeing the growth I hoped for. But I have to be honest, it's surprising to me how much grown adults can still act like teenagers. Whispering, comparing, forming opinions as if someone's worth is measured by numbers on a screen. It hurts, I'm not going to lie, and of course it makes me doubt myself. Some days I tell myself what others think of me doesn't matter, but the truth is, it does affect me. But I'm trying to hold on to the fact that the love I put into what I create is what really matters. Having this outlet as a mom, a space that's just mine, is more important than ever. And if someone wants to judge me for that, that says more about them than it will ever say about me.
Lately, I’ve been on the fence about what’s next. I know you've heard me say this a time or two (or three or four) I keep asking myself if I can really do this, if it’s meant for me. I’m considering whether I might need to step back for a bit... not because I want to give up, but because I need space to figure out if I can show up in a way that’s sustainable, authentic, and full of love. In a way that's even worth my time and energy.
One thing that's become clear to me over the years is just because you're trying, doesn't mean it always shows. You can pour your heart into something for years and feel like you’re barely moving forward... and as much as that stings, I think that’s okay. What matters is showing up when you can, being honest about where you’re at, and remembering why you started in the first place. For me, that reason is simple: I love this. I love creating. I love sharing, and that love is what keeps me coming back, even when it’s hard and I feel silly.
Being a mom and a wife will always come first. That’s not a compromise. It’s a choice I’m proud of. But having something that’s mine, a space to create and express myself, is still worth fighting for. Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s messy. Even if it takes longer than I imagined. And maybe even if it never takes off.
Right now, I’m letting myself sit in the uncertainty. I’m thinking, reflecting, and considering what’s possible. Maybe I’ll find a new rhythm. Maybe I’ll take a short step back. Maybe I’ll keep pushing forward as best I can. Either way, I want to do it in a way that feels right for me... with love, intention, and authentically being me along the way.
The hardest part is that no one really talks about this side of social media. The part where it’s slow, messy, discouraging, and sometimes makes you question yourself. We all just see the girls who made it, who have perfect reels, perfectly glam faces with no wrinkles and the most expensive make up and skincare routine, the gorgeous well-lit pictures, idea after idea after idea for posts, unlimited budgets and kids that cooperate for the content. Everyone seems to have it all figured out, posting consistently, growing steadily, and finding their niche. Seeing that can make me feel alone, like I’m failing, or that there’s something wrong with the way I’m doing this. But my God I'm trying. This is real life. And maybe part of sharing my story is reminding myself, and others, that it’s okay to struggle, to move at your own pace, and to take the time you need to figure out where you truly belong.
At the end of the day, I’m trying to remind myself that this journey isn’t about numbers, worrying about what others think or comparing myself to anyone else. If God didn't intend this to be part of my story he wouldn't keep putting it on my heart. What I need to remember is it’s about showing up in a way that feels true to me, celebrating the space I’ve created, and honoring the life I love. Both as a mom and as someone chasing a dream of her own. Some days will be messy, some days weeks and months will be slow, and most days I’ll question if I’m doing it right. But even in the struggle, there’s joy, there’s growth in more ways than numbers on a social media account will ever show, and there’s the reminder that this is my journey to navigate on my own terms. And maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly what will make all of this worthwhile.
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