Dreams

Sometimes I find myself getting lost in my thoughts and it’s then that I am thankful for this online journal I have created for myself. Truth is, that’s what this blog is. It’s my space to write what I want when I want. It’s not to put it all out there and be an open book. When yes, in reality, I realize that’s what I’m doing but I promise it’s not to be showy. This is my space to look back on. I’d write a book but I’m not that great of a writer and I don’t think anyone would appreciate it so blogging just makes more sense. After becoming a mother I realized I want to remember it all and exactly how I was feeling. These years are flying by! Kamryn is just about 5 1/2 and it’s blowing my mind how quickly the time went by. 

Being a mother has given me the great gift of seeing the world through my children’s eyes. I want Kamryn, Logan and Kensington to know they can be whatever they want to be, they can do whatever they want to do and they can go wherever they want to go. You see, growing up I never was one of those kids who said “When I grow up I want to be a ((fill in the blank)).” I just wasn’t. But I did always want to be a mother. So here I am but I do have dreams for the future. Maybe not career dreams and honestly, I think that’s okay for right now. Actually, that’s a lie. If I were to follow my dreams in the career world I would open a mommy & me boutique. Maybe someday….

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to live my life with any regrets. When I think about the future I don’t know what’s next. I can picture our lives with another child and I can picture our lives just the five of us. As crazy as it may sound I can even picture us adopting someday. The thought of giving a child a better life warms my heart. This one is far fetched and probably will never happen but it’s in my heart. I can picture us living here and I picture us living in Texas, Southern California or Florida. I can picture me running my dream boutique and I can picture me still being a stay at home mom. The cool thing is we don’t know what’s going to happen next. We have a lot of big dreams and a lot of what ifs. I think that’s exciting. I really do hope we take some risks. I hope we go out of our comfort zone and doing something other people would be scared to do. Otherwise, what am I teaching my children? 

Mike took a big risk a year ago and switched jobs and took a major pay cut while we had two kids, a mortgage, a baby on the way, etc etc and a lot of reasons why it wasn’t a good idea. The timing was just off and a lot of people thought we were crazy. But he did it because he wanted to, in his heart he felt he needed to and at the end of the day, he’s happy with his decision. Now he hopes to start his own company someday and I will support him every step of the way if that’s the route he wishes to go. Mike inspired me when he took that risk and I see such a positive change in him that I know it was worth it!

I don’t want to live this cookie cutter life that everyone else thinks I’m supposed to. Yes, I’m a pretty traditional person. My husband works, takes care of the bills and I take care of the home and children. In 2015 that isn’t really common but that’s how the Sass family functions. I don’t want to look back 20 years from now or 30 years from now and wish we took a risk. I don’t want to still be living in this home wishing we moved across the country or wish we looked more into adoption or wish we had another baby or wish Mike started his own company, wish I opened a store or wish we did something we haven’t even thought of yet. 

Here’s the thing. I think it’s healthy to keep wishing. I think it’s healthy to have dreams and look into the future with wonder of what’s going to happen next. Otherwise life is boring. What’s exciting about planning every second of your life out? Maybe it’s just me but that’s not how I want to live my life. That’s not how I ever lived my life. Without sounding too cliche, you only live once. The most important thing in the world to me is my family and that’s what I center my dreams around. Who knows?! Years from now we may be right here, just the five of us living a happy life and that’s okay too. But the point is to not stop dreaming no matter how crazy your dreams may seem to other people. I think it’s a beautiful thing that we all get to choose our own path and don’t have to do what I everyone else thinks is “normal”. As a mother I’m going to teach my children to follow their dreams no matter what anyone says, and what a hypocrite would I be if I didn’t even try to do the same. 

Happy (Late) Mothers Day

In honor of Mothers Day

I wanted to add this because I put it on my facebook yesterday and it was a post that meant a lot to me. 

I shared this picture of my husband and Kensie and I said this:

“This moment. This moment right here. I’ve experienced it 3 times now. If you’re a mom you know it all too well. All the doctors and nurses clear out of the room and give us some alone time with our brand new baby. It’s the moment where my husband stares at our newborn baby and I can see, right before my eyes, him falling in love. I swear to you I’ve never ever EVER, not even the day we got married, loved my husband more than when I see him falling in love with our babies. It’s that exact moment that makes me want another baby. It’s quiet, the world stands still, the room is full of love and it truly is perfection. I could live those days over and over and over again. So c’mon Mikey….just one more time, someday….a LONG time from now….pretty pretty please??”

The privileged of being a mother is not lost on me. I know I am blessed beyond measure to be granted the gift of motherhood. I am able to decided, along with my husband, when I want to have a baby and then after a couple months I get pregnant. Easily. Some people are not as lucky and I will never ever take for granted how lucky I am. When I say I want another baby because of how beautiful that moment is I mean it. But there are so many other reasons that someday I MAY want another baby. Let’s all not get ourselves in a tizzy because I said the words ANOTHER BABY. There is nothing in the world I love more than being a mother and a wife. I guess to the universe, three is a normal number of children for people to have, four (or more) is a number that most people give you the side eye. I’m not really sure why because I’ve always loved the idea of a big family. Every big family I have ever met was awesome. Their homes were so warm and welcoming. Chaotic, of course but fun. I always always longed for more brothers and sisters. (Thanks 7th Heaven and Party of Five) Call it what you will, the grass is always greener, you always want what you don’t have, blah blah blah. But I did. 

Let’s be honest here. I have feelings. People’s opinions on how many children are “okay” to have sometimes do make me second guess what’s right for my family and that makes me sad. The decision of whether or not we decide to add to our family is very personal, its emotional, its stressful, and its a very well thought out process. At 28 and 29 years old Mike and I have decided not to close this chapter of our lives just yet. Truthfully, I don’t know whats going to happen. There are days when I am all for it and then there are days when I say there’s absolutely no way! 

But one thing I do know is being a mother is amazing and its hard hard work. I give every single mother on this earth major credit for doing this job. Whether you have 1 child or 20. You are doing it day in and day out and without a second thought, you are there for your children and getting it done. Some days are a breeze and full of smiles and laughter and other days are the complete opposite. But even on the horrible horrible days there’s these children who love you and appreciate you and count on you and you do it for them. You love them like nobody else in the world. I thought I knew what that love felt like but there’s truly nothing like it and until you experience you, you just don’t get it. I think that right there, that’s pretty amazing. My children are the reason I am smiling, living and loving life. What’s better than that??

So, we shall see whats next for this mother….but, that moment captured up there in that picture. That moment is a beautiful one. One I am extremely thankful for and extremely blessed to have been able to experience 3 times. I will never feel bad or sorry for wanting it again…..and if that makes me crazy, so be it! I’m crazy! 





Happy {late} Mothers Day!

  

Kensington at 6 Months

1/2 a year already! Time is absolutely flying by!!

Kensington rolls and rolls and rolls. She is sitting up on her own….for a few seconds and then she topples over. But she LOVES to sit up! She has learned to scoot herself around in the circle on her belly and kick her feet to spin on her back. I think we are close to crawling but I’m not encouraging it just yet. When she is mobile I am screwed. Everything is still baby proofed from Logan except for Kamryn and Logans toys. That is a project I need to get on ASAP but like everything else its so hard to find the time. This time around is a whole different ball game with two older ones and a baby. We are going to start giving Kensie some real food to try. I got the okay from the pediatrician yesterday to mash up whatever we are eating and let her go to town. I think she’s going to love it. 

We had ONE NIGHT of straight through the night sleep and we haven’t had it since. Such a bummer! But she’s such a peanut that I don’t mind giving her the extra calories in the middle of the night. We went to her 6 month check up yesterday and she just leaped up the percentile chart. She went from the 14th to the 21st in weight and the 42nd to the 88th in height! So I guess those extra calories are working. 

She really is such a joy! I know I keep repeating this but seriously, she is the happiest baby ever. Mike and I are so blessed!! There’s lots of babbling going on so we are anxiously awaiting her first word. She also now knows who people are when you ask her for them. For instance, when I say “Hey, Kensington…where’s Kamryn?” She will look right at her and smile. Same goes for Logan, Dada and the dogs. She is one smart cookie!

Kensington now weighs 14 lbs 10 oz and is 27 inches long

Kensington formally known as Elliot

It’s been 6 months and I don’t often think of the fact that Kensington wasn’t originally Kensington. It’s weird for me to look at her and think if I hadn’t gone with my gut we would be calling her Elliot or Elli. To us and everyone who knows and loves her, she’s just Kensington. My mom even asked me recently what her name was before we changed it. It was really really funny! 

But today my mind went back 6 months to when she wasn’t Kensington. I had a nurse call me to see what pharmacy I wanted to use to fill Kensie’s fluoride script at. She must’ve looked down and read her full name because she randomly said “Kensington Sass. Wow! That’s a beautiful name!” Of course I thanked her and she continued to go on and on about how pretty the name Kensington was and how much she loved it. She then asked her middle name and when I said Bree she said outloud: “Kensington Bree Sass. Wow! You definitely thought that one out….you did a great job!” I wanted to reply “Sister, you have no idea!” But I didn’t. I just thanked her again.

It’s funny, this isn’t the first time a stranger has commented on her name and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Most people ask me the story behind it, thinking (I assume) we picked it because of my love for Kate Middleton and the royal family. Or maybe they think I wanted to marry Prince William and the closest I was ever going to get was naming my baby after the palace in which he resides. Kidding…. But really, I think they do assume we picked it because we love all things British or we are British. Not the case. I just liked the name when I heard it years ago on a tv show. Not a fun story, I know.

So today when that nurse told me how much she liked my daughters name, it made me smile. When I told Mike he said “See! We made the right decision.” We then talked about when we would tell her about her original name, how we would tell her and even if we have to. I think it would go something like this: “Hey Kensington! When your mom was pregnant with you she kinda lost it and couldn’t pick a name for you. Then we were in the delivery room your dad thought he knew what your mom wanted to name you and he said “Let’s name her Elliot!” Your mom was all drugged up and feeling lovey dovey because she was minutes away from  meeting you, so she agreed! Then she brought you home, spent a couple days with you and called your Mimi bawling because she didn’t choose the right name. So we then decided to think about it for a week, call you Kensington, teach your brother and sister your new name and then we legally changed your name when you were only 2 weeks old.” 

Yeah…..she’s going to think we’re insane! ;-) 

Kensington Bree at 5 Months

Better late than never, right?

We are so close to Kensington turning 6 months so I wanted to get this in before its too late.

Kensie is such a joy. Currently, she’s my favorite child. She doesn’t talk back, doesn’t throw temper tantrums, if I put her somewhere she stays in that spot…well kinda, she’s almost mobile, she still takes NAPS!! Kidding…I love them all equally but really in the grand scheme of things babies are, dare I say easy?? 

I don’t want to talk about many milestones because in just a week she’s going to be 6 months and really all the major milestones were hit between her turning 5 and 6 months. So check back on all those next week.

Kensington does love eating solid foods. Fruits, (apples, bananas and pears) are definitely her favorites. Sleeping is a work in progress. Mama is tired!! So I’m hoping that changes soon. Right now she goes down anytime between 7 and 8 then she wakes up every night around midnight and has a bottle and then again around 5-6. I think technically if she sleeps 6 hours straight it means she sleeps “through the night” but I don’t count that. Until I can put her down and not hear a peep til the sun comes up, I don’t say she’s sleeping through the night. By the third baby you know better and don’t believe any of that! LOL

Kens is always smiling and laughing. Mike and I brought her car shopping with us and every single person we came in contact with could not get over how happy and content she was. She was such a trooper! She is in complete awe of her big brother and sister. Kam and Logan absolutely adore her. If I take her out of the room and Logan doesn’t notice until after she’s gone he gets really sad that Kensie isn’t there and cries and says “Oh no! Kensie GONE!!!”. He won’t calm down until I show him where she is. It’s very sweet to see how protective he is of her already. Kensington really is the luckiest baby in the world to have Kamryn and Logan has her big brother and sister. Not to mention, she seems to get cuter and cuter everyday!

At her 5 month check she was 13 lbs 8 oz