Where to begin? Well for starters I hope to look back on this blog during this time and remember how I felt so before I start school with the kids I'm going to sit and write.
It's been a month since my last blog post and so much has changed yet so much has stayed the same. Yesterday we got the news that the kids will not be returning to school for the remainder of this school year. I knew it was coming, we all knew it was coming, but it was still like a punch to the gut. I immediately got a lump in my throat, I felt sick and then I felt sad and if I'm being honest a little angry. It was a lot to take in. I knew the kids were not going to handle it well. Mike and I have been completely transparent with them about what is going on. As their parents we feel it's important they understand the severity of the situation but we also stress to them that by staying home, not seeing our friends and family, we are being safe and staying healthy.
If you know me at all, you know I am happiest at home with my family. You know I always wanted a big family. Most of all you know I put my family first, always. I worry so much about Kamryn and Logan during this time. It keeps me up at night. Am I doing enough for school? Is it okay some days we are just rushing through it while I get pulled in 5 different directions? The school says this should take 3 hours a day. Some days it does and others it takes 5 by the time we get everything done and I take care of the other 3 kids. I worry about Kensington, Tenley and Smith. No body in this house is getting enough attention right now, I can promise you that. I'm hanging on by a thread.
I'm only sharing this because I'm sure there are other moms and dads out there who feel the same. This isn't easy and as much as I love being home this is different. I like to be home but I also like my routine. My daily talks with the parents/grandparents at the bus stop and the neighbors who pass by everyday like clockwork on their walks and stop to talk to us while we wait for the bus. I miss getting in my car and picking up my groceries and seeing the same sweet lady every Monday morning. I miss taking my kids to their appointments, driving them to their friends houses, their friends coming here and carting the kids around to their activities. Baseball clinic should be going on for Logan right now and it's not. Kamryn was thinking about trying softball and as of right now its not even an option.
I live a pretty busy life. Yes, a lot of the business is at home but everyday I know what I'll be doing from the second I open my eyes until the second I shut them. With 5 kids we are on a pretty strict schedule, we have to be or else it'll be chaos. I miss that schedule. I miss that predictability and routine. I miss looking at my calendar and seeing it filled with things to do. We definitely slow down in the Winter but the Spring/Summer/end of the school year is always much busier for us and this year NOTHING.
But, on the other hand I'm trying to see all the positives. Mike and I were talking with Kamryn and Logan last night after the other 3 were in bed and Logan said "I'm just so happy we are home with Smith! I think we're going to be here when he starts to crawl." My heart melted. Kids really have a wonderful way of flipping your perspective. When I told Kam and Logan about school being canceled they both cried. They LOVE their teachers this year and both have great friends in their class. They miss everyone terribly. But the fact that my 7.5 year old boy looked at me and found a positive in all this made me so incredibly proud.
They haven't once complained. NOT ONCE. They talk to me about it a lot and we discuss whats going on. Logan says daily "I can't wait til they find a cure for the caronavirus." But they've never given me any flack. They've never even said the words "This isn't fair." They haven't asked for a play date, asked to go somewhere, nothing. And honestly I didn't realize that until I sat here and started typing. They do tell me how sad they are about school but we always follow up with a talk about why and whats going on. I'm so proud of them. They have shown me so much maturity in all of this. As for Kensington and Tenley, they are just thrilled to have their big brother and sister home.
Side note: How crazy is it that the next time my kids will step foot on a school bus Kensington will be going with them?!?
When we decided to have 5 kids I never predicted this. I never ever thought when we found out I was pregnant with Smith that a year later we would be in a pandemic and stuck in the house while
doing virtual school. None of us could've predicted this. Mike is currently still working. They have a few essential jobs with only about 5 men on each crew and they practice social distancing. I could for sure use his help at home though.
These days I wake up, feed Smith, have a coffee, the other 4 kids slowly wake up and join me. I get everyone breakfast and then pop on the computer. I get a piece of paper and schedule my day out. I write down when Kamryn gets the computer, when Logan gets it. What time their google meets are. I print out worksheets for the day, answer emails. Logan is on an IEP so there are a few teachers I need to keep in touch with daily. And then I just hope we it all goes smoothly (spoiler alert: it doesn't) and we can get it done quick and they can get some playtime in.
I'll leave you with a funny story: Yesterday Logan was on Google Meet with two of his teachers and two classmates. I have to sit next to him and help him with the work while this is going on because they can only do so much virtually. I try to get everyone settled right before we call in. Well, as we are talking to them one of his teachers tells him to think of another word besides "mad" to use in his story. Kamryn rushes over and starts whispering "angry" in his ear. Of course, I'm whisper yelling at her to stop and let him do his own work. Then Smith starts fussing. So I have to get up and go grab him. Poor Logan is trying so hard to concentrate and then Kensington and Tenley come in the room. All dressed up in tutu's, capes, dresses, etc and decide to run around in the room behind him. Of course you can see them in the background and hear them! So here I am baby in my arms, girls screaming and squealing and I'm chasing them, whisper yelling, for them to stop. I look up at the screen and everyone is smirking. Guys, it's never dull. Those teachers and other parents are probably over there like thank God I'm not that lady! HA!
Oh boy, I'm not sure how but somehow someway we are going to survive the next two months of this virtual school! Let's hope I come out sane and the kids come out not totally screwed up.
Okay, time to get to our schoolwork.
I hope you're all doing well, staying safe and healthy!
xoxo, Kristen