Things I'm ashamed to admit as a stay-at-home mom

 

Hello! Happy Sunday!

Very recently I've gotten a few comments about being a stay at home. You see I've been out of the workforce for 15 years now and while it is the greatest blessing to be home with my kids everyday it doesn't come without shame. Yes, even after doing this for so many years. Today being a stay-at-home mom seems to be a little more accepted but 15 years ago when Mike and I made the choice for me to stay home with Kamryn I swear I saw some people's heads spin. They just could not wrap their head around it. All these years later it definitely seems more acceptable, and I know a lot more people who stay home however, that doesn't mean it doesn't come with shame. And it certainly doesn't come without opinions...

These are just some of the things I'm ashamed to admit as a stay-at-home mom....

After a long day I am touched out and feel guilty for looking forward to my kid's bedtime. Having 6 kids there is a wide range of bedtimes but I somedays I look at the clock and find myself counting down the minutes to 7pm when the bedtime routine starts, and I'll get some time to myself.

Sometimes I resent my husband's career choice. Mike is an electrician, and he works A LOT. I cannot remember the last time he didn't work 6-7 days a week. I just wish he could spend more time with us.

When people tell me how lucky I am to be a stay-at-home mom or that I'm so lucky to have a husband who works so hard to provide for us. But they never ever acknowledge the sacrifices I've had to make to stay home. Furthermore, when I'm accused of just sitting at home and doing "nothing" all day. Those comments eat away at me, though deep down I know it's not true.

I wish I didn't let my social anxiety get the best of me and I did "more". I don't remember a time in the past 15 years I didn't feel like I should've been doing more with my kids.

Truth is, I lost all of my hobbies 15 years ago. I don't have much that makes me "me" anymore. I do write here on the blog as a hobby but it's still really hard to find the time to do even that. I've accepted that right now I don't have the time to do anything for me, but it still makes me sad at times.

I feel lonely most days and totally isolated from the world. I feel like I've lost a lot of friends over the years. But I also don't have the energy or urge to go out and make new friends. I miss girl time, but I feel like I'm not allowed to admit that.

I really could use a break, a vacation, some time away to regroup. I'm jealous of those who have a lot of help and can leave their kids with someone else to go on vacation. 

Mostly, I'm ashamed to admit I let other people's opinions of what I do every day get to me. Being a stay-at-home mom comes with A LOT of opinions. I could write an entire blog post of the things people have say to my face about what I do all day. I try so hard to not let them get to me but in all honesty for the last 15 years I feel like I'm constantly spatting the opinions away like flies. I just wish people were more supportive, and I feel like I'm not allowed to feel that way.

Being a stay-at-home mom really is a blessing and a privilege that I know a lot of moms do not have. But it does come with a lot of sacrifice. I feel as though I sound ungrateful if I talk about the sacrifice and shame I feel when it comes to doing this job, because it is a job. One I cannot imagine not doing. 

Motherhood is challenging whether you're a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. But I think we can all agree no matter how your day to day looks, motherhood is also the most rewarding job in the world. 

What is some shame you feel about what you do? Whether it's being a stay-a-home mom or a working mom? Tell me in the comments! Is there anything you'd add to my list? Sometimes it's just nice to know we aren't alone.

Well, I'm off to enjoy a Sunday with my family! Mike is home today, it's raining, the rest of the day looks to be gloomy, so I think a comfy relaxing day is just what we need! (without the shame of feeling like I'm not doing enough)

xoxo, Kristen